Yasemin Şüheda
You could name in no way with your timid look, your trembling tongue, your trembling voice that came and disappeared at the tip of your lips. What has it turned into? Is it to find the real or rust? You stood like a refuge, behind your hiding sentences… First your tears left you, then the angels …
When your cheeks forgot the wetness, that thin membrane of your heart gradually began to thicken … Maybe you felt it, maybe you did not feel it… You ran away as if it was easy to escape from yourself, as if HUMAN CAN NOT BE CAUGHT TO THEMSELVES…
Wherever you look, whatever you do, you could not escape from your feelings that will always follow you. The things you love and hate, were waiting for you like sparrows on the window sill as if it were revenging on you. And the window you will open …
No matter how much you hide from yourself, of course they would find you, at a time you never expected.
Your world of ideas and minds that you closed tightly, of course, would question you one day. The reasons you said “I was bored”, were perhaps the reasons you had to hug. Maybe because you learned the right things from the wrong sources, you were fighting your right and overlooking the wrong ones. When a deep ache ached you, you were sluring over yourself your heart through “diversions”.
Isn’t it a pain for a person to slur over yourself ? Not being able to tell yourself about yourself… Not being able to confess, not confront…
You were afraid, your glances were timid, how would you know “somehow or other” would be so painful. You couldn’t explain this to yourself even if you said “I am brave” to everyone. You couldn’t convince yourself of this. Your anxiety is because of this, your concern is for it… Because of this, your dead ends are so many.
Your scatterings loutishly, your never-ending desires… Always awakening with a feeling of regret…
That’s why you have always been busy with unserious business.
Even if the excuse castles you sheltered in were destroyed one by one on you, you were building new ones immediately. You were collecting deliberately ‘wishes’.
You were not satisfied with these deviations… But you saw a life that you could not be happy with, this life that you could not adopt, as a burden to yourself. You wanted to get rid of your burden. However, it was neither this system of thought nor your belief that burdened you. The real burden was that you did not feel belonging to this truth, which you call “my faith”. It was that you didn’t labor . Maybe it was imposed, maybe you were forced. But stopping yourself , “What are these values I believe in, what aren’t they?” you didn’t get into your sincerity. However, “religion is sincerity” and requires sincerity. Every thought you are not sincere with will surely leave you one day.
If only you stopped, you would notice earthquakes and wrecks within you. You would notice what was missed and overstated as building yourself.
The life is not simple and ordinary as much as giving up your truth for anyone. The life is not as negligible as surrendering to the wrong for a lifetime as a reaction to someone. The life isn’t as insignificant as to give up humane virtues because of some people annoyed you. The life is the biggest factor that bestowed human, us. Human can’t devalue this favor randomly for the sake of anyone, any idea and thought.
The human, who is in the best of stature… The most honorable on earth… The human, created with a perfect temper… You want to leave this honor and beauty behind you and flow to other paths, is that so?
Do you want to punish yourself by your hand, growing up your loneliness?
This is a ruinous punishment and you do not deserve it. You are who can count up stars on the sky and beaming your hope like a light… Shining bright like pearl, coral, rubies… You…
You’re invaluable and having value, too. Don’t let these witches, these perseptions mislead you.
One day, they will fade away like foam on the sand. This is not true and won’t remain.
You feel the absence of angels, don’t you? Darkness of dawn… Lacking of prayers calling to you… Lacking of book that sent down to you. Can’t you feel all its absence, inflicted deep wounds in your heartland…
Your Lord has not taken leave of you, nor He detested you. He did not leave you abondoned alone. I know, angels came out of your life first, then tears…
Now, open your heart curtains… Don’t let your soul hang out ambiguity… May the angels find you from the trace of prostration you left… Let your tears open the door to repentance… Let the sparrows stay there… You’re too strong to be defeated by sparrows… You name it at this time… Let it no one. You’ve already proven your age, prove your belief, too! Be patient, make an effort! Don’t waste your belief in the shadow of your weaknesses. You’re worthy of heavens. You carry your heavens on your back. Believe me, it isn’t as heavy as earth’s goods… Don’t let others wipe your forehead sweat but your Lord does…
And now, you do name it, may your life be pleased with you. Let the homeland of blessed ones be your home!
Çeviri: Merve Yeşilbaş – Halenur Lermi
Tashih: Çiğdem Karacadağ
